


V is for Video Games

by gingasaur



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 17:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingasaur/pseuds/gingasaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn’t simply loss at this point: it’s a systematic disassembling of all his hard-earned credibility.</p>
            </blockquote>





	V is for Video Games

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [sg_fignewton](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/)'s [Cam Alphabet Soup.](http://sg-fignewton.livejournal.com/219195.html)

It is by no means a difficult game. Cute, cuddly animals ripping each other’s throats out in crimson showers of pixelated blood is bizarre, but it doesn’t take an engineer to play it.

So why does Cam keep watching his fuzzy boxing hare get pummeled by unblockable kicks to his sweet little face?

It isn’t simply loss at this point: it’s a systematic disassembling of all his hard-earned credibility. How is he supposed to get any kind of respect around here when he can’t even coordinate the proper punches to take the evil Mr. Bunnykins’ head off?

“You’re supposed to play Teal’c _when?_ ”

“Thursday.”

Siler laughs, perhaps louder than he meant to. He clears his throat. “Sorry, sir.”

Cam waves a dismissive hand. “No, I deserve it after that thrashing. How the hell did you make those energy beams-”

But Siler just shrugs helplessly; he’ll be overdue for a scheduled maintenance if he stays any longer.

“Good luck, Colonel,” he says on his way out.

Cam rubs a hand over his face. Time to go back to training mode.

\---

He hones his skills against fluffy computerized combatants, but these battles against artificial intelligence just don’t compare to human unpredictability. He needs another person to play with him or the precious remnants of his ego will be smeared across the floor come Thursday.

Luckily, he knows two surefire ways to get Sam out of her lab: by dragging her, or by simply pushing her buttons.

“I’m not _afraid_ you’ll beat me.”

Bingo.

“Well then,” Cam taunts. “Come play.”

Sam glares at him. “If I do, you have to leave me alone for the rest of the day.”

“Done.”

“I mean it. I’ll eat dinner when I’m ready.”

“You got it,” Cam assures her. “Let’s go.”

He’s practiced his heart out. He’s ready for this. Sam’s declaration that she hasn’t played in a long time is comforting, too.

“Ready?” Cam asks.

“Ready,” Sam sighs.

They begin.

And then they end, within ten seconds of starting, because Sam’s big-eyed, bushy-tailed bunny beats the stuffing out of Cam’s with a dazzling flurry of punches that not only activates that energy beam thing, but knocks his rabbit clear across the stage and back again. He settles in a smoking heap in the center of the screen while Sam’s rabbit wiggles her nose triumphantly.

He’s half-joking when he asks her if she hacked the game, but when her cheeks flush, his mouth drops.

“You _hacked_ the game?!”

“I didn’t _hack_ it,” Sam insists. “I just… peeked at the programming code.” When Cam doesn’t respond, she adds, “To determine which moves are most effective against which bunnies.”

Cam groans.

“It’s pretty transparent when you take a look at it,” Sam continues, only a little bashfully. “The variations are subtle, but they’re actually-”

“Go away from me,” Cam says, throwing up his hands.

Sam gives him two firm pats on the shoulder and leaves him to his loss.

\---

He stares at the screen in disbelief. 

“You _cheated._ ”

“I did no such thing!”

Cam rests his forehead in his hands. “You can’t just spam the same move over and over again. That’s cheating.”

“If it was cheating, wouldn’t the game have stopped me?”

“No, but-”

“There, you see?” Vala says with a huff. “I did nothing wrong.”

“No, listen to me.” Cam can really feel that headache now. He sets his controller down carefully. “You can’t just use the same exact move ten times in a row. It’s bad form.”

“Why does it matter how I won? I beat you fair and sphere.”

Once upon a time, Cam was a sane man, but now the rational parts of his brain slowly ooze out of his ears. “It’s fair and _square_ ,” he corrects through clenched teeth. “And no, nothing about that was fair.”

Vala looks at him, her lips pursed.

“Jealousy’s an ugly color on you, Cameron.”

Maybe he can just hide the Xbox before Thursday.

\---

“Hey, Jackson. You play that fighting game of Teal’c’s?”

Daniel looks up from an old, tattered book. “The one with the bunnies?”

“That’s the one.”

He grimaces and returns to the dusty pages. “No.”

Cam counts that as a win.

\---

“Are you ready, Colonel Mitchell?”

Oh, he’s ready. Ready and standing tall to face his fate, whatever that may be. If he’s going down, it’s going to be with the fight of the century.

Teal’c handles his Xbox with great care, something that makes Cam grateful he didn’t throw any controllers around in fits of frustration. It’s almost like watching a sacred ritual, and Teal’c has clearly done this enough that it’s practically become one: he wipes some dust from the top of the console with a soft cloth, turns the system on, then the TV, and hands a controller to Cam as he sits beside him.

Teal’c is silent, and it’s enough to freak Cam out just a little bit.

“This is one weird game you’ve got here,” he says. “I kind of thought we’d be playing some Madden.”

Teal’c smiles. “The rabbits’ unassuming faces mask their hidden ferocity. They are capable of killing despite their harmless appearances. Is this not a valuable lesson to remember, that one should never underestimate the strength of their opponents?”

That’s a startling amount of depth to attach to a game about maiming bunny rabbits. Cam doesn’t ask any more questions, though. He just holds his controller and waits.

“Are you aware,” Teal’c says eventually, “of the reason Colonel Carter delved into the game’s programming?”

Uh oh.

“No,” Cam responds hesitantly.

Teal’c’s smile grows. “She was infuriated by her inability to win against me.”

Shit.

Before Cam can do anything to stop him, Teal’c presses Start.


End file.
